Having been blessed to grow up on a small farm in Minnesota, I have many, many childhood memories of uninhibited fun. Most days you could find me outside playing with friends, doing my chores, or exploring new things to see and do. Days spent walking the woods, swimming in nearby lakes, flying kites, riding horses, driving go-carts, playing sports, climbing trees, ice skating, snow skiing, really all kinds of adventurous things without any hint of hesitation or fear. I had an amazing childhood, but the one thing I remember best is having freedom to wander and explore and experience many different things. Living carefree from day to day and my youth seemed to last forever.
Many of us reflecting on our youth enjoy similar experiences. But as the years go by that “carefree” attitude somehow disappears. We get jobs, incur debt, get married, start raising children, and our lives begin to fill up with burdens and responsibilities. Most of our time is spent spinning through the many things we have to accomplish in a day leaving not a moment to spare. Occasionally, we squeeze out a night with our spouse or our friends and but very rarely a moment to ourselves. Before we know it, our busyness has burned away decades of our life, leaving us only to wonder where the time went. My life is a perfect example of this.
In my pursuit to become the best wife, mom, daughter and employee, my life began to spin out of control. I needed to figure out how to stop the clock and learn how to enjoy more “moments” in my life. Exhausted from keeping all of my responsibilities engaged, it became very clear to me that I had become way too busy. I barely had 15 minutes for praying or reading my bible, nonetheless an hour for a massage or bubble bath.
Don’t get me wrong, I really loved being productive and achieving new goals. I had become so efficient at balancing my personal and professional life that my franklin planner was on auto-pilot and I could multi-task like a general defending 4 war fronts. I wasn’t alone. Most of my friends were living the same way, which encouraged me to press on. Then after 25 years of “full speed ahead”, I woke up one morning extremely exhausted. Not an ounce of energy to accomplish the 50 things on my task list for that day. I couldn’t give up, and I couldn’t go on. I had only one choice and that was to pray: “PLEASE GOD, STOP THIS RUNAWAY TRAIN!”
I would love to tell you that Gods answer was powerful and immediate, it wasn’t. But it wasn’t because he wasn’t trying to effect change, it was more because I wasn’t wanting his answer. Gods answer was simply “surrender”. But surrendering was an impossible answer for a woman who had no idea how to let go. Does this sound familiar?
It has been 2.5 years since that difficult morning, but God has been slowly transforming my life ever since. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been amazing. I understand myself and God in ways I never would have imagined and my life is in a brand new place. Its really kind of hard to explain, but if you find yourself exhausted, yet driven, but unsure of where your headed, I encourage you to jump off the train. Instead, start pursuing God and digging into His scripture. You will find that amazing things will start happening as you begin to let go and start allowing him to lead.
God really is a good, good God and He loves you very, very much. He designed you and has amazing plans for you. Maybe its time for you to start asking him to show you what they are.
Galatians 2:20 (amplified) I have been crucified with Christ [that is, in Him I have shared His crucifixion]; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body I live by faith [by adhering to, relying on, and completely trusting] in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.